Developing Problem Solving Skills in Relationships

Can’t Stop Arguing?

The goal in any relationship isn’t to be conflict free, it’s to learn how to manage conflict when it arises. Working with a therapist can help reduce stress, conflict, animosity, and resentment towards others. It’s hard to de-escalate a situation when you’re in the middle of a fight. That’s where I come in. Therapy can help turn down the temperature. It’s helpful to have an unbiased person to help process and reframe the conflict and animosity. The first goal of conflict resolution is to de-escalate the situation and tension. Your emotions are valid, however they are not facts and will forever change and fluctuate depending on your circumstances. You can’t control how you feel, but your emotions don’t have to control your behavior and speech. Once things have cooled down, the real work begins.

NYC problem solving learn to communicate

Ready to stop fighting and start communicating?

Learn to Communicate Effectively

Communicate with empathy, grace, and understanding.

Would you rather be loved and happy or right and resented? Being right doesn’t always lead to YOUR goals or happiness. Sometimes being right actually takes away from accomplishing the task at hand. Therapy can help you develop insight into your thoughts and behaviors. Your words and actions have consequences that lead to negative or positive outcomes that affect your quality of life. Is this the life you want to live?

Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Learning to communicate effectively doesn’t mean you’re giving in or giving up altogether. It means you are committed to meeting your goals and your partner’s needs. When you are able to express yourself without being verbally abusive, accusatory, or placing blame on others, you are considering ways that both of you can have your needs met while being heard.

Power isn’t taken, it’s given.

Communicating effectively means listening. Two ears, one mouth - listening is twice as important as speaking and takes twice as much work, patience, and discipline. How do you know what the other person wants and needs if you don’t listen? If you don’t listen, how do you know what their possible triggers are? How do you know why they’re angry and what the problem is in the first place? How can you hold each other accountable if you aren’t listening to each other?

Setting Boundaries and Expressing Your Needs

Avoiding conflict is NOT the same as problem solving. If you try to avoid conflict, you are denying your own needs and desires and won’t be able to understand what the other person requires from you. It’s important to set reasonable, realistic, and clear expectations in any relationship in order to prevent and manage conflict.

Just like a job description, it’s important to set clear definitions for your role and your partner’s role in the relationship. If you’re doing too much, you’ll burn out over time. Set clear boundaries and express them to each other. Ask yourself and the other person regularly: What are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to compromise? What are your limitations? Are there any deal breakers? What is unacceptable? These answers are based on your values, morals, ethics, priorities, and goals and can shift over time.

Therapy and conflict resolution are about self-empowerment and self-awareness. When each other’s goals are clearly stated and emphasized, you can hold each other accountable in order to meet those goals. In therapy we will work on developing the skills to express yourself clearly, understand your own needs, and understand the other person’s needs so you can live the life you want together.

How to Express Yourself at Work

Just like any other relationship involving two people, communicating effectively is important in the workplace in order to meet your needs and career goals. Therapy and conflict resolution skills can help you learn how to de-escalate conflict, advocate for yourself, and navigate the workplace environment. If there’s a promotion you want, an issue with your boss or colleague, or any other issues at work, we can work together so you can articulate the problem and effectively express your needs.

This is especially challenging for marginalized people. Racism, prejudices, and biases in the workplace are pervasive. If you are struggling with microaggressions or injustices of any kind, therapy can help empower you so you can advocate for yourself, be heard, and have your needs met.